I don't know if this should go under advice or relationships so i'll just put this here. There is this guy that I liked a really long time ago but I never told anybody...well I found out a few months ago that he REALLY likes me...and has for a long time..well the feeling is definetly not mutual. I told him this when he asked me out (in a nice way though) and he keeps asking me out. he sent me a poem and one of those "be totally honest" surveys....and he put some kinda weird stuff..like he wants to marry me (i'm on ly 14!!!) and all this really embaressing stuff like "Q: Have you ever been jealous of me? A: yeah (you get to see yourself everyday and i dont)" and "Q: If I had broccoli stuck on my teeth, would you tell me? A: yes but in a polite manner, but iff we weree going out id just get it out with a nice little kiss." All this is driving me nuts but I don't want to be mean to him...I like him as a friend but thats it! All he talks about is how much he "loves" me and it scares the crap outta me..I feel like I'm being stalked...he used to call me every 5 minutes but he's been grounded for a while so he can't but just all the stuff he says on the internet and tells people about me is weird...its like he's obsessed...Can anybody help me out or tell me if i'm just being stupid? I know bost people would think alot of this stuff is sweet and normally I would too but he's like this all the time and it drives me insane...HELP!

Ann

Dear Ann...

I'm glad I happened by and saw your question as soon as I did.  I have been stalked, and those I love have been stalked, with terrible and painful results.  It isn't just sweet, not when there is the possibility of this fellow's hurting you.  People who act this way sometimes are harmless, but sometimes they are extraordinarily harmful.  How old is he?  How close to you does he live?  You say he is grounded; he must be young... you are fourteen, is he your age, or near you age?  All of this could be harmless, yes, but, just because there is a possibility that it is not, we must be concerned with your safety.  Also you are made uncomfortable and embarrassed by these unwanted attentions.  Do you know this fellow's parents?  Could you speak with them about him?  Since they have the authority to ground him, perhaps their intervention would solve this problem.  I would seek them out and talk with them.  Also speak with your own parents about this.  If you two attend the same school, talk to your school counselor about this, share your concerns; the school can also intervene for your protection.  I have two daughters and two sons.  Both my daughters are beautiful girls who have been bothered by weirdos.  One of my girls is a moderator here on our site, my beautiful +Franziska Curtis Lance.  I care very deeply about this problem of yours and your question.  I would like for +Franziska to tell us what she thinks about this matter.  I know she would have good advice for you; she is very wise, and has been in your shoes herself (as have I).  Hang on, be strong, and tell others of your concerns.  You are not alone, and you don't have to do what somebody wants just because he makes a pest of himself.  You deserve better.  I care about you, as I care about all our members, and I would like very much to hear more about this matter.  And I am sure that +Franziska will have some words of wisdom for you.  Thank you for thinking of us, and for sharing your concerns with us.  I would like us all to be a family here on our site.  All my love, respect, and solidarity to you, my friend.

Thank you +Steven, so very much. I am sorry you have been stalked that must have been awful! This guy (Anthony) doesn't go to my school but he goes to a near by school. He lives about 13 miles away from me and is almost 16 . I don't know his parents but I do know they are divorced and it sounds like they are kind of strange (but I don't personally know). My parents just think of him as a strange kid with a big crush that he'll get over. He knows EVERYTHING about me and I don't know how! ??? I had a guy like this once before but I never really had to do anything about it because he got so into drugs he doesn't even really know me any more. I don't know what to do, this is just really weird and I can't stand it. I wish he would just go away!

Ann

I believe that +Steven has already given alot of good advice..
If you feel that this situation is getting really serious you should turn to an authority figure...

As for my own experience,
Once I was in a relationship with this guy and he rang me up all the time too. I remember I was really annoyed and paranoid....
I would always hope he wouldn't show up in his car,
Always hoped he wouldn't see me on the street,
Always avoided him and avoided his phone calls...
I used to let the phone ring for hours and thought 'God, what a desperate Bastard'

Anyway, I got rid of him in the end by just sort of telling him it was over....  

If this guy is just a boy who is more 'annoying' than 'life-threatening' (although you might think it so) you should just tell him what you feel and think about him,
BACK OFF! (perhaps you could suggest that you're interested in someone else)

If you can't tell him face to face then just get his phone number, (who cares about raising his hopes there) call him and tell him you don't want anything to do with him. (and don't sound too polite about it)

I don't mean to sound bitchy, but it's your life, and you have to sort it out, and remove what doesn't really belong there, it's better to end it, your tolerance and patience level is sinking and his hopes are only rising... it will do the both of you good

If he still stalks you like hell, then don't notice him, ignore him, don't be nice to him until he cools off. Perhaps then you can start being nice to him, but they say if you give them you're little finger, they'll rip out your whole arm... so beware girl, and take care

+FCL

Thanks +Franziska! I was really trying to avoid being mean to him but I guess if that's what works that's what I will do. I don't think he is threatening, just extrememly annoying. And you didn't sound bitchy lol. Thank you both +Franziska and +Steven for the advice. I think it will be very useful in helping me get him to leave me alone. (I don't think that made sense but I'm tired so I don't care). Again, Thank you very, very much.

Ann

Ann? You didnt tell me... Who is anothy anyhow? WHo the hell cares if your ar mean to him, if you dont like him and you dont want him buggin the hel outa ya just be all like dude, leave me alone iight? But i mean u know howi am and so i would pry say tht staright out. ya know? so... dude ann thas not kewl tho if he dont stop and shit you should like go to the police.. seriou,sy.. and geuss what? Tommy is lifting weights being.. "strong" sorry i just ahd t tell you.. i lov eyou ann

Thanks for the advice everyone! Maybe things will get better soon... :-/I hope.

Love Always
Ann

Is it bad if for some strange reason he happens to think I have a boyfriend...even if I don't???  :-Xlol

If he is truly obsessive, he may well be possessed of a consuming jealousy which sees rivals where there may be none; paranoic stalkers usually seem to fixate upon some imagined rival, seemingly in order to explain the situation to themselves.  They tend to focus on one or perhaps more other people in your life as their enemies, and imagine that this rival or these rivals are the reason why they are prevented from "having" you.  If this is happening, if he is behaving in this way, imagining a rival or rivals, it is a red flag and a bad sign.  I would enlist the help of whatever authorities you can get to listen to you and to help you, sooner rather than later; maybe you can stop something ugly from getting uglier, something bad from getting worse.  I am certainly in solidarity with you in this matter.

My friend got on my messenger today and this friend just happend to be a guy...well anthony started talking to him and decided i was sleeping w/ him and stuff and had his friend start cussing me out and everything because anthony was just "so sad he couldn't tlak to me" and all this...it's weird...

Ann

I think you have a stalker on your hands.  Get help.  Tell everyone.  Prevent this annoying situation from becoming dangerous.  I have seen horrible things happen in situations like this.  Sometimes it's only annoying, but other times, it's dangerous.  Don't wait to find out which this will be: nip it in the bud now before something bad happens.  You are too important for this; you have a life to live.

Thanks +Steven. I feel really bad because he used to be so sweet. But its so weird...because I know I should do something but I still feel bad about being mean. :'( But you have really helped me...you really have..thank you.

Love Always
Ann

Don't be afraid of appearing to be mean.

Don't think your doing him a favour by being nice, he will believe in wrong signals and hope, I have let a relationship perpetuate because I found the guy had a good personality, and that he was a 'good person' but I just was not interested nor attracted to him and I dare say I was getting more disgusted and threatened every day.

Perhaps this may happen to you by letting it perpetuate, you will feel partially guilty, partially encouraging yourself that you are just helping a guy out, partially worried and unhappy, break this devildance, get out of it and    breathe   girl,   breathe
grant yourself some air,

you will feel so much better.. trust me
There are a million other guys out there that are so much more worth your energy  ;)

Love,
+Franziska CL

Thanks guys! I'm emailing him right now (just cuz i don't know his # and I don't want to know it)..here goes nothing You guys are the best! reallly you are thanks bunches! ;D

Ann

I don't believe it! You know how I said that my friend got on my messenger and that Anthony thought I had a boyfriend? Well I got on later and he asked if I was goin out w/ that guy and I said no and Anthony asked me out again and I said no. So him and the guy that was with him are telling everyone I slept w/ my friend and a whole bunch of other people! What did I do to deserve this?

obviously these guys are beyond worthless, and deserve to be returned the favor 10x over.  I guess the best way explain such an event is to admit that in our world, sometimes shit happens to good people.  The best one can do is to learn what shit looks like before it happens so that one can prevent it from happening, and, if it still happens, learn how to successfully seek justice.

Thanks Dan, but I don't know how I could seek justice over that. I'm just so pissed off I dunno what to do. Oh well...I guess my freal friends will know its not true. right? I hope!

hi
ann, i wanna know wat's his age,as you mention that you're just 14 years.its really very tender age.


johnhy