Okay. Well, I've really been looking for someone who can give me really good advice. I came here hoping that someone could help. Here's what's going on..

Last year in school I won an award for being a good, kind person. The next year (Where I am now), I felt like something has changed about my personality. I feel like I've lost my actual true personality. I even feel a bit...fake. I don't want to feel fake, I want to be myself. I'm just afraid of being myself because I don't want people to hate who I really am, I guess. Also, there's a girl who knew me last year, when I got the award, and she was being herself till finally this year, she switched her personality to be exactly like mine. She now acts exactly like me, being nice and kind to people, when her real personality is punky, outgoing, insane and mean. It's obvious, especially since sometimes her real personality jumps out, then she apologizes, feeling like she's done something mean, when it's only that she's being herself. I hope I'm making sense so far. I don't think I feel jealous, but I wish she would be her true self, instead of copying my personality. For some reason I just keep switching my personality around because my mind tells me it has to be good to other people all the time. I don't care about being popular, I'm just trying to be myself again. I don't think winning that award last year was that real, either. How can I find my true self again, without hurting myself?

-Help.

It's normal to go through an identity crisis every couple of years or so, it's just telling you that there's something wrong, some ego bock or misturn in your personal growth. To deal with it, you'll probably find it helpful to read the works of Abraham Maslow, especially 'The farther reaches of human nature.'

Personality is a very flexable thing, but sometimes making big steps too soon in a new direction doesn't mean that it's all settled down in your brain. I myself was a very creative and smart, but also an autistic kid, who for many reasons had to become more extraverted in high school, only to face the fact that I became the butt of all jokes, simply because I hadn't developed the advanced social awareness and the associated skills that are usually accounted for simply by belonging to a social structure. It took me quite a while to learn enough social rules, and actually 'live' their meaning, rather than being theoratically aquainted with them.

Many have found LSD to be very helpful in identifying with the 'true' personality, but I wouldn't know about that personaly.

Just know that each of us may have contradicting thought at every conscious moment, and that's how it is for everyone else. It ends up being a moment to moment commitment to do what's right.

Youve got to realize that things dont remain the same and people change, although raw fundamentals can stay the same, for the most part people change and adapt. The fact that you are worried you are not your "true" self just goes to show you are, I mean if you were fake then you wouldnt be concerned with your new personality. In other words, the fact that you have a strong desire to be a real person is something from your old personality and thus youve only changed the surface. Its like painting a car a diffrent color, its still the same car, it runs the same and has the same dents. You may talk a diffrent way, maybe change your look a little but deep down your the same person. Your simply adapting to a increasing social pressure, if you dont want to act the way you are it is very simple, dont. I know it sounds obvious but you have the power to change the way you act at any time, you simply need to will yourself to act in whatever way you see fit. As for the girl, imitation is the sincerist form of flattery, if you want to get past the phony personality you need to connect with her on a deeper level.